I am like a little kid with this question. I want and need my world to make sense, to have meaning, to provide a structure that makes sense to me. I feel so confused by the world most of the time. My Mom called last night. She was extremely sick and when the Dr's did a CT scan they found a big lump on her pancreas. They do not know what it is yet. She is going for more tests next week in the city...but I am so scared for her.
I am really trying to stay focused and positive. I have been trying to meditate on lovingkindness and have been wrapping my Mom in white light all day in my imagination. If anyone deserves a long and happy life it is her. She is the kindest and most loving person I know.
Why do these things seem to happen to the good people, while so many bad people seem to have everything. Life does not make sense. I am certain that is part of why I have such a hard time in this life and this world.
About Me
- Aqua
- I am currently a lost soul on its quest for freedom. I have a mental illness; Chronic Major Depressive Disorder. My version of MDD sits somewhere in the Bipolar Spectrum, meaning my mood cycles between severe depression and then up high, very high, but not high enough to be considered hypomania. I am hoping to help myself and others who read this blog both understand this illness better and to learn something about ourselves in the process.
4 comments:
That is beautiful that you are meditating and wrapping white light around your mother. That is the best and most wonderful thing that you can do right now.
My thoughts are with you and your mother.
Thanks for your thoughts James...She is going into the hospital tonight and they will run more tests. I am trying to remain positive...but given my depression, that is kinda hard at the best of times.
You're welcome. I am anxious to hear the results.
By the way, I would love to comment on your Vicarious Therapy blog but I'm not a member. How do I become a member?
If I told you...I'd have to kill you! I had no idea you had to be a "member"...what the hell does that mean? I will see if I can fix that so it is the same as here.
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