I have not posted in a while as I have really been struggling with the outcome of my Mom's emergency hospital visit. She has been told she has pancreatic cancer. The tumour is large and there is no cure or treatment for the cancer. The doctor told her the median lifespan after diagnosis is 4 months. The maximum she can expect to live is 12 months.
I feel so sad that I feel numb. I do not know how I will go on without my Mom. She is the person I turn to when in my deepest depressions. She is so supportive and absolutely accepting of everything and everyone. I love her more than I can even express. I feel so lost already and she is still here.
I have decided that the gift I am going to give my Mom is letting her know I will be okay when she goes. I was thinking about Dostoevsky's, "The Death of Ivan Illich" and how Ivan Illich in his death saw an opportunity to let others know he was okay with going. He gave them the gift of a peaceful death. Surely I can allow my Mom to die believing I can manage and have the support I need to make it though this life.
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3 comments:
I think it is natural to feel numb. It is unbelievable news at first i'm sure.
I think that being o.k. with her going is VERY important as many people dying try to hang on for loved ones who are distraught.
Aqua, my heart goes out to you. My mother had an operation a few years back to remove a tumour from her pancreas. She was very lucky though, as her's turned out to be benign.
Your gift to your mother is very special and shines with the love that you hold for her.
Thank you James and Disso_k,
I am with my mom at my sis's, the whole family will be here this afternoon, including my mom's 94 yr old mom...God I wish my mom would live to 94, but I guess the universe has different plans for her.
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