I Love You Mom!

Everything doesn't seem real. My Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September. The Dr's said she did not have long to live, but I guess I never really believed she would die. She did die though, in mid-December.

I moved to her home in October to help her out and to spend time with her. I could see she was getting more ill, yet she maintained her vigour for life somehow, so I unconsciously felt she could fight this off. I wanted to believe that.

I was beside her when she passed away, yet I still feel like this is all just an awful dream. I watched as she took her last breath and held her as she died and after she died. I don't know if I will ever get that experience and the images out of my head.

I am so sad, but my meds won't let me cry. I feel so alone and empty. My Mom was my rock. She was the one I called when I was in crisis. She was unconditionally loving. I feel so lost without her.